Terrible headache last night. I have two kinds of really bad headaches: those during which I keep my cool, and those that turn me into a weepy mess. Over the course of the past year, with near-constant migraines, I got better and better at keeping my cool. Migraines that would have had me sobbing in the dark five years ago, skipping class even though I knew I'd lose 4% of my grade, were now my companion all the time, and I couldn't just lie in the dark all the time. So with God's energy (because I had none), I dress-rehearsed shows, fit pointe shoes, taught dance to dozens of 5-year-olds, and led my d goup, and most of the time I did these things without falling apart. I found it was helpful to 1) cut out any unnecessary activity, even if I really loved it (goodbye dance company, blogging) and 2) be really honest with the people around me that I was in pain. Poor Travis had to hear it every day, but at least I wasn't keeping it to myself and then pouring it out in tears once a week.
About 3 months ago, all this changed. I finished the slow process of going off all my preventative medications (under the guidance of my favorite neurologist), cut out a few foods that were against my migraine diet but I'd been sneaking anyway (goodbye, pickles, you gave flavor to everything . . .), and received a huge gift from God: less migraines. Far less. Over the course of the past 3 months, I've had maybe 10 headaches that I'd describe as real migraines. I've observed that some of them have been more severe and lasted longer than this past year- they fit the traditional model for my headaches up until this year, though, and the frequency fits too. I'm really optimistic that I'm back to being a 4 migraine a month kind of girl (down from 20-25). There has been lots of praising God in our household, and I feel like myself again.
However, when I do get a migraine now, or three in a row like I've had the last three days, it's very easy for me to lose my cool. I forget the peace that God offers me and skip straight to being terrified that the constant pain is back. The pain is mixed with anxiousness and regret and uncertainty, and it makes it a lot harder to fall asleep (if I'm in the position to do so) or go about my day (if I have to).
This morning I woke up almost pain free (I took medicine, of course- my headaches take a long time go away on their own), with a very sore neck, but relaxed eyes, which is a good sign that it won't be back soon. Migraine sleep isn't very refreshing, but I do feel refreshed by the clarity the morning brings. Wherever I go, even if it's back into migraine-shadow, God is with me.
1 comment:
I wish God would take all of your migraines away forever, and that you could eat anything you wanted. I don't know why He doesn't, but He knows why. I flipped on Christian TV this morning looking for something full of grace and truth that my mom could watch. Instead I found a woman speaking about several books that teach that God promises to protect and heal those who believe in Him. That's the God she trusts in. She knows the value of having a God who heals and protects. Who wouldn't want that God? She hasn't yet learned the value of having a God who is even with her in the valley of the shadow of death. You've had the experience of receiving the strength to love and encourage other people when you are in blinding pain. Your God is bigger than hers, your miracles bring Him glory.
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