Maps!

Last night Travis and I started mapping out our route for a drive from Texas to Washington coming up in a few days.  Travis mentioned that he's pretty tired of the same old paths (specifically, he would be happy never to drive across Wyoming again), and would like to try something new.  We have pretty much exhausted any path that goes through Colorado or Utah, and have visited Arches National Park, Garden of the Gods, Yellowstone, and the Grand Tetons.  Right now the "north to Mt. Rushmore, then west through Montana" route is a front-runner, though it has one enormous flaw: dogs have to stay in the car at Mt. Rushmore.  Apparently the good people who maintain Mt. Rushmore are not big fans of dogs.  As a meticulous poo-picker-uper I resent having to leave Sasquatch in the car at National Parks, but we are still considering this path because a) We are all about exploring new parts of America's heartland, b) This route conveniently avoids all but a corner of Wyoming, c) It only adds a few hours to the trip, and d) I would be able to check four new states off of my "states visited" map. 
Currently, I have visited 14 states (I count a visit as any time you go somewhere and actually leave the airport).  I am working with a prospective student whose parents have scheduled a family trip to Antarctica so that she will have visited all seven continents by the time she leaves for college.  You can see how I might feel a little poorly-traveled.  (I'm pretty sure I just made up "poorly-traveled," but I think it works nicely, don't you?)
If we take the Mt. Rushmore route, I will be able to add Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, and South Dakota.  America's heartland is waiting with the promise of adventure (and lots and lots of fields)!
Here is the "states visited" map of someone who has seen a lot of wheatfields:

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Letters about things I don't understand

There are A LOT of things I don't understand.  Big things, like God's grace and the government scandal in Pakistan, but also little things like the Kia hamsters (what demographic are you meant to appeal to???).  I have also been trying out the idea of writing letters to companies like a crotchety old man or Ted L. Nancy.  Today I have decided to combine the two and write letters about things I don't understand.  This has been a really fun exercise for me, and I highly recommend it!

Dear Wii Sports,
There is no such thing as a Double-Pro in the real world.  Also, you cannot be successful at tennis by simply waving your raquet at the right time.  You have to run toward the ball and put the raquet in the right place.  This is actually, I believe, the hardest part of tennis. 
Sincerely,
Person who has only played the Wii once, and failed

Dear facebook friends,
I don't understand it when you start a status update with "That awkward moment when . . ."  I mean, I get the convention, but I don't know WHY you do it.  And 9 times out of 10, the thing you are describing isn't really awkward, it's something else, like ironic or embarrasing or funny or even awesome.  Example: "That awkward moment when you start dancing in the grocery store and everyone stares" is a really strange thing to write or say.  I would much rather write something like, "Today Travis and I had a dance party in the grocery store.  Travis mostly danced by standing completely still and looking horrified, but I knew he was having a Gene Kelly moment on the inside."
Sincerely,
Someone who comes up with new ways to tell stories just for fun

Dear people who won't drop out of the presidential election, even though it is clear you are not going to win,
I've never unsuccessfully run for president, but I'm pretty sure it's expensive (for the people who support you) and a big time waster (especially if you already have a job that you should be doing, like getting us out of this economic crisis), and that the longer you stay in the race before you drop out the longer people get to make fun of your presidential run on the internet.  Are you trying to win some kind of bet?  Make yourself so visible that you will have a shot at the Vice Presidential nod or a Fox News commentator gig?  Because, like I said before, you pretty much all have day jobs, and it might be worth returning to them.
Sincerely,
Person who really doesn't like to see people put themselves in bad situations

Dear Sasquatch,
I don't get it.  How can you be so awesome all the time?  You are the best dog.
Sincerely,
Someone who tries not to write 100% of her blog posts about her dog, but ends up around 97%

Reading Log (sort of)

I really wish the library kept track of the books I've read this year.  Maybe they do?  I'm going to ask next time I go in.  In the meantime, here are some great books I have read recently!  I am just picking out the very best ones for you, though I'm not going to suggest that you have the same taste in books as me (unless you really like sweet stories about likeable people written for 14-year-olds).

Note: ECRT (Esther Could Read This) means I think this book is appropriate for my 12-year-old niece Esther.   The rest might be considered PG13, so don't read them yet, okay, E?

Book that made me laugh so hard I cried:

• Bossypants by Tina Fey (I listened to the audiobook, which is read by Tina herself, and includes clips from SNL)
• Runner-up: Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling

Book I would recommend to any boy (and most girls) between the ages of 13 and 31:

•  Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

Book that made me want pump my fist and yell, "girl power!":

• The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks by E. Lockhart (ECRT)

Book that successfully parodied Beauty Pageants, Sarah Palin, LOST, and Kim Jong-il, and still tugged at my heartstrings:

• Beauty Queens by Libba Bray

Book with a fascinating (and likeable) protagonist:

• Marcelo and the Real World by Francisco Stork

Book that transported me to a distant land, young adult fiction category:

• Toads and Diamonds by Heather Tomlinson (ECRT)
• Runner-up: Carpe Diem by Autumn Cornwell (ECRT)

 Book that transported me to a distant land, nonfiction:

• Lost on Planet China by J. Maarten Troost

Book that I would have loved at any age:

• The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart (ECRT)

Book that made me feel like an awkward teenager again:

• How to Say Goodbye in Robot by Natalie Standiford

Correlation

I have been gluten-free for 9 days now.  Days 2-5 I had some sort of stomach bug, which transitioned into a bad cold (persisting even still) on Day 6. 
I have two things to say about this:
1) I really don't mind being sick.  Or, at least, I don't mind being sick right now, with little illnesses that are sure to pass.  I have a job that I can do when I'm coughing or feeling nauseated, and I can take a sick day when I need to.  Sick days are glorious, and you have my permission to remind me of this if I ever complain about taking them.  Someone is paying you to stay home and rest.  There are so many people who have no option of taking sick days.  I know this because I spent several months doing four shows a day with mono. 
2) My body is clearly defenseless against the outside world without wheat.  It is very very rare for me to get any kind of bug that is going around, and there isn't even something going around!  (Travis has a bad cold, too, but he probably got it from me.  Sorry Travis!)  The only logical explanation is that, all this time, the huge amounts of toast I ate every day were forming some sort of barrier against getting sick.  It makes perfect sense (to a person that knows little to nothing about infection). 
Correlation equals causation, right?