Gaining it back

A few weeks ago I was skimming through old blog posts (looking for early photos of my puppy), and I found a post entitled Losing It. That seemed like a pretty melodramatic title for a blog post, so I read it, and then I read a few other headache-related posts from the past few years, and I realized that I have something here in this blog. On my phone and on paper I have kept headache journals, but they are mostly just dates and times and numbers and short lists of possible triggers. What I have here is a complement to those notes, a sporadic (and also pretty optimistic, if I do say so myself) journal of they way my headaches have made me feel. In August 2009 I was tough and tired and experiencing so much pain at work that I proposed moving to Oklahoma and eating only soybeans if it would help my head. In August 2010 I was nervous about moving across the country and starting a new job (with no plans to keep dancing), but I knew I couldn't keep teaching or working two jobs anymore. In September 2010 my headaches were coming back with a vengeance after a few relatively mild months, but God was giving me exactly what I needed.
Reading over these little notes really helps put things in perspective. Going gluten free has been hard and has put a strain on my food budget, but three years ago I was sincerely willing to eat only soybeans if it would decrease the frequency of my headaches. Now I'm down to about one headache a week. The new job I started almost two years ago turned out to be a perfect fit for me, and allows more flexibility when I am in pain than I ever imagined. And I haven't experienced anything like the pain of that "worst headache" I wrote about in September 2010 in over a year (I haven't recorded a pain score higher than 8 in my headache journal since Thanksgiving!). A few years ago, I was losing it (my ability to get up and go to work, my confidence in ever finding relief, and probably my sanity), but now I am gaining it back. I don't know how long it will last, but I am grateful for the reminder of where I have been and where God has carried me.

Peace is this beach on a partly-cloudy day.